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positive projections

Nov. 21st, 2012 | 01:26 pm

I need to get the evaluation done for Vivian to be accepted to private school. It costs $165 if I do it before Dec. 15, so it is top on my list. I ready for another vehicle. I think Mike should get a Jeep because he has wanted one since I met him, and I like the SAAB for a few more years. I'm looking forward to the progression of the next year and I feel like I have a pretty clear vision. I have a plan to let my Grandmother keep Rowan while I go back to school for a massage therapy license and I haven't told anyone yet. I feel like I may meet resistance from Mike about Mimi watching Rowan. I want to learn Thai Massage and I know I want a schedule I can control as the kids go to school and get involved with sports and clubs. I feel very interested to see where that road leads me.
I also want to get a performance art troop together again. I want to focus on fetish performance either in public or private. No circus style freak show, no spark shooting crotch grinding, but real displays of facing taboo or revealing fetish. I'm considering becoming a Minister in the Church of Body Modification so that seems like a first step to that process.
Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty energetic. I'm taking cell salts which are 12 ions essential to cellular health. I'm back to a weight and form I can relate to and I don't feel like my body is out of my control anymore. I've never had to 'just let go' like I have since I've become a Mom. When my belly was full of baby I had to shave my genital area by feel because a mirror would fog up and for some reason I felt like I wanted to shave. Only one other Mom I have told about that said she did the same thing and we laughed and laughed. Some days I feel like I'm just trying to stay in the moment of making a beautiful home for my family.... which is why I never post. I just don't devote the time here. Like now, for example, although the kids are happy and having fun, I want to take them outside for fresh air and sunshine so they can soak up the good medicine. Love love love.

with time...

Aug. 5th, 2011 | 10:54 am

I hope to grow more wise. I seem to have this accepting way of not being able to see when someone is back stabbing.

...because I do what SHE tells me to do!

Jun. 7th, 2009 | 07:48 pm

1. Your Middle Name: Ray
2. Age: 32
3. Single or Taken: Taken, usually many times!! wink wink
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean: Clean. Although I like my Martini dirty and sweet.
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: yes
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life? Find a way or make one.
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty? Half-full but if we add a little of this and that we can make it all the way full!
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? No, and I hurt feelings because of this.
13. What is your favorite memory of us? I like all of them!!
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure? My RUBBIE... come on now!
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: I was in the Basque region Spain when 9/11 happened.
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake? I'll make the cake, and you just chat with me!
18. Which country is your spiritual home? I'll take USA... because I'm here now for a reason.
19. What is your big weakness? yeah right!!
20. Do you think I'm a good person? Overall, yes. You could play better chess.
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent.
23. If you could change anything about me, would you? If you asked me and I could.
24. What do you wear to sleep? A nighty.
25. Trousers or skirts? Both. Sometimes together.
26. Cigarettes or alcohol? I'm pregnant again... with a boy.
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!) Ummm... laugh and cry!
28. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you? sure

Writer's Block: Fearsome

Feb. 7th, 2009 | 11:35 am

The boogeyman, global thermonuclear war, being forced to eat broccoli—there's a lot to be afraid of when you're a kid. What was your biggest childhood fear?

Wild boar. I always thought a wild boar could charge me and really do some damage!! I have no idea where I learned about wild boar or why I was really afraid of them. I know my Mom's best friend worked at the zoo and we went there often. I am still afraid of these beasts today, although I know I am not in danger... which is good!!

A special day for baby...

Jan. 29th, 2009 | 11:16 am

Today I am baking a cake for Vivian. Sunday is her FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!! Saturday I will have about 25 people at my house to celebrate. I have a huge smile that won't go away and I am thankful.

Wrapping up

Dec. 16th, 2008 | 09:29 am

All the cards are in the mail! As my niece and I filled beautiful blue bottles with homemade Lemon Cello I realized how close we are to the end of the year. Things seem to be coming together for myself and my loved ones which verifies my path. I ordered a grow your own butterfly kit for my brother's fiance today. I would like to have more money. Really I just want more options... and I have a plan for these things. I got my transcription machine in the mail about 2 weeks ago and I really need to get back on those studies. I feel happy about pursuing something I can make money with from home so I can stay with Viv while she's little and so my hair isn't such an issue. My hair was doing great for about 6 months, but now it's almost all gone again. Alopecia sucks!! It's amazing how much attention and femininity is linked to hair. Alas, the judgment of the external world is harsh. I've never really fit in very well. Viv's quilt needs a few more hours of work. My goal is to have it completed by her birthday. I have really been growing and learning so much this year! I managed to finish a knit sock and I plan to take that project to Philly with us on Dec.26. We return Jan. 2nd. Thursday Scotty (best guy friend) arrives and Shannon (my niece) and I will have our cookie baking extravaganza!! Michael and I made a major investment this year and that seems to be working out very well. So far we have made several thousand dollars but the potential is really awesome!! Debt free for our family will feel great!! Michael expects a raise soon because he has been taking OSHA certification classes and will continue that through Feb. Vivian crawls!! Crawling must be easier backwards because I've been told all babies go backwards at first. It's so cute and inspirational! I have been inspired to write another book for babies. Isn't is beautiful to see motion and progression in any direction as a building block of what is yet to be...


Dec. 9th, 2008 | 12:21 pm

I anyone would like a card with a picture of Vivian just send over your address. They are in the works!


Nov. 26th, 2008 | 03:38 pm

I am thankful you are my friends. I would never give you blankets of smallpox.

funny brain thing...

Nov. 22nd, 2008 | 10:02 am

So my original plan was to write letters to people on LJ with no intention of the people ever seeing them. A really great idea!! Healing, helpful, brave, cleansing, and even a untying of the knots exercise so to speak.
Well a few days later I was looking at myself in the mirror, just doing some personal grooming, and out of NOWHERE pops an image of a past lovers penis!! I laughed out loud because it has been years since I have seen this mans genitals and I am still thinking about his damn dick!! WTF I called my old girlfriend in Oregon to tell her what happened because so has also seen this penis. WE LAUGHED HARD!! She told me she has also thought of this particular penis from time to time because it was a really spectacular specimen. She goes on and on about how the penis never even touched her but it simply was in orbit in her world via me and she flashes to it's image at least once a month... now remember this penis hasn't been in our surroundings in like 6 or 7 maybe 8 years!!! SO WE LAUGH MORE
The next day we talk again. This time she informs me she has spoken to her Mother about the penis to get sage advice and to see if this is normal. Her Mom tells her a story...
When I was a little girl we had a pony named Tony. Tony the pony was real small even when he was full grown, but his penis was enormous!! I mean not just big, but we would stare at tony the pony because we would swear his penis might touch the ground. I'd look at him every day just to see if the penis was in the dirt yet! And everybody that saw Tony the pony would talk about his penis... even strangers!! We still talk about Tony the pony amongst the family 50 something years later!
So my friend tells me her Mom figures we will never stop thinking about that penis just like good old Tony the pony.
My point in mentioning this is to remember how the journal transformation happened here.
After this banter I decided maybe I should just write specific parts of people. Dear Tony the pony's penis,

less to say

Nov. 17th, 2008 | 10:59 am

When I really started sorting through my feelings I had less to say than I thought I would. I feel mostly at peace with him at this point. Boy oh boy... that has been a long difficult road! More letters to come!